Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
