I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
