i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
