Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
