i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
