We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize