A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
