Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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