It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
