So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
