I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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