How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
