I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
