is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Are my feet made of real feet?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
