SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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