Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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