We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
