Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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