I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
