Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
