The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
