She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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