Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
