how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
