So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize