she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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