Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
