I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Blood and glitter go together right?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
