grandma shit on top of the toilet
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
