why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She announced her abortion via fbk
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
