made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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