If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
and she was petting her beer can
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
