last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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