I wannas sexs uuuuu
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
