So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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