remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
