I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
