Non-Jews are for practice
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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