Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
