do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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