the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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