Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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