i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
