Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
