Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
