onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He shit in the fireplace
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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