Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
