woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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