Sponge bath it is.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
