so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
