drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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