I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
