my sisters under your porch take her home
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
