you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
