i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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