She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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