just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I want to be your penis for a week.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
