Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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