My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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