i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
