If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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