I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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