I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
