A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
