just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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