kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
