Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
