Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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