You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
