So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
