Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
