It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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