The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
There are leaves in my underwear?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
